Keeping yourself and your family safe

Learn what to do if you're in immediate danger and how to find support and create a safety plan to help keep you and your family safe.

Family violence can happen at any time, in different types of family relationships. Violence may be a reason why you and your partner are separating. It might also happen for the first time after there is a decision to end the relationship.

Leaving a violent relationship can be hard. But there are ways for you to keep yourself and your children safe. 

On this page

• What is family violence?
• Risk factors and warning signs of family violence
• How the law addresses family violence

What is family violence?

Family violence is any type of abuse or neglect that an adult or a child experiences from a family member, or from a current or former partner. It is when a family member uses their power to hurt and control a person.

In British Columbia, the Family Law Act defines family violence as:

• Physical abuse or attempted physical abuse (like hitting, pushing, or throwing objects at someone)
• Sexual abuse or attempted sexual abuse (like sexual activity without consent or continued sexual contact when asked to stop)
• Psychological or emotional abuse, which can include:
  • Threatening, scaring, or harassing someone (for example phoning or texting many times each day)
  • Controlling someone's freedom or money
  • Following or watching or tracking someone
• Directly or indirectly exposing a child to family violence (like allowing a child to see, hear, or be around abusive behaviour, even if the abuse is not aimed at the child)

Family violence can happen to anyone, no matter their age, where they live, how much money they have, or how educated they are. It affects people of all races, religions, gender identities, and sexual orientations.

Family violence can happen once or it can be a repeated pattern, creating a cycle of abuse. It can have serious effects on a person’s health, social life, and finances. These impacts can last a long time, sometimes for a person’s whole life, and affect future generations. Family violence can also affect the victim’s extended family, friends, and coworkers.  

In some cases, family violence may even get worse or happen more often after separation. Research from Statistics Canada shows that among those who reported violence by ex-partners after separation:

• About 24% said the violence continued and became more serious
• 37% said it continued but did not get worse, and
• 39% said the violence only started after they separated

Many people who were assaulted after separating reported being beaten, choked, threatened with weapons, or sexually assaulted. For some, this was their first experience of violence. Most also experienced emotional abuse like name-calling, controlling behavior, or jealousy.

Even though family violence may continue or get worse after separation, leaving an abusive relationship is often the first step towards safety. With the right support, planning, and resources, many people can protect themselves and their families and begin to rebuild their lives.

Risk factors and warning signs of family violence

Family violence can be difficult to recognize. This is because abuse is often about control and not just physical harm. Learning the risk factors and recognizing the warning signs can help identify when someone is in danger or acting abusively.

Signs that someone may be acting aggressively

• Bullies, threatens, or controls partner
• Threatens to harm partner, children, pets, or property
• Makes partner ask for permission to see friends and family or isolates them from loved ones
• Keeps close tabs on where their partner goes and with who – this may involve constant calling and texting
• Punches, hits, pushes, kicks, strangles or bites partner
• Forces or coerces partner to have sex
• Threatens suicide or says they can’t live without their partner
• Abuses drugs and alcohol
• Prevents their partner from getting or keeping a job
• Controls their partner’s access to money, such as making them ask for money, giving them an allowance, or taking their earnings
• Monitors or restricts how their partner spends money
• Uses jealousy to justify actions

Signs that someone may be abused

• Has physical signs of abuse (like bruises, injuries, sprained or broken bones
• Appears agitated, anxious or depressed
• Shows signs of fear or says they are afraid of their partner
• Constantly checks in with partner
• Skips work, school, or social plans for no clear reason
• Shows big personality changes (for example, from being super confident and outgoing to becoming introverted and having low self-esteem)
• Wears clothing that covers up bruises or cuts even in warm weather
• Seems nervous about speaking when partner is there. Partner does all the talking
• Says their partner is extremely jealous and often accuses them of cheating
• Has a partner who controls their finances or account for all the money they spend

To learn more, you may check out the You Can Recognize the Warning Signs fact sheet by Safer Families...Safer Communities.

How the law addresses family violence

The Family Law Act addresses family violence in the following ways:

• Provides for a protection order that can include any term needed to prevent violence, including not allowing a family member to contact, communicate with or be at the protected person’s home, workplace, or school – breaches of protection orders are a Criminal Code offence 
• Defines family violence and makes it a consideration in the “best interests of the child” test used when making decisions about care of children
• Requires people seeking guardianship of a child to provide the court with evidence of their ability to care for a child, including information about their criminal and child protection history
• Requires considering family violence as a factor when deciding who has ownership of a companion animal, and 
• Requires family dispute resolution professionals, such as lawyers and mediators, to screen for violence to ensure the processes used to resolve your family’s separation issues are appropriate

In Canada, the Criminal Code includes laws against many forms of family violence such as:

• Physical and sexual abuse (including against children) 
• Murder 
• Kidnapping or holding someone against their will 
• Human trafficking  
• Stalking or harassment  
• Not providing basic needs  
• Criminal negligence  
• Theft, fraud, extortion, and forgery